Articles

I used to wonder what was special about the late Bishop Philip Sulumeti, the retired and founding bishop of the Kakamega Catholic Diocese who was laid to rest last month. Whenever politicians wanted to murder each other, and it was all the time, it was that son of Teso who stepped into the melee and called everyone to order.

Prophet Victor Kanyari could not stay married to the vivacious gospel singer, Betty Bayo (may her soul rest in eternal peace) resulting in their children calling two men "father". Kanyari may not be your conventional clergyman, but his divorce signaled the challenges plaguing the institution of marriage.

A lighthearted, satirical commentary offering tongue-in-cheek post-presidency career suggestions for Uhuru Kenyatta. Blending classic Kenyan humor, street slang, and local political banter, the piece playfully explores hilarious retirement options—from running a matatu business to starting a crusade church.

My first impression of Nairobi was leafy Muthaiga, I kid you not. They were constructing Waiyaki Way into a dual carriageway, which meant Nairobi-bound vehicles from western Kenya had to dart into Limuru and get into the city through Muthaiga.

I hear the people who manage our jumbos want those who feel like being named after an elephant to fork out Sh500,000 for the honour. I would be pleasantly surprised if Mzee Mwai Kibaki, who doesn’t have a footpath named after him, writes out a cheque.

Like Tanzanian President Samia Suluhu watches our parliamentary sessions for comic relief, I too, occasionally take time off my busy schedule to marvel at South African MPs pretending to conduct business. That place is like Marikiti; so noisy, outlandish and wild that if Nelson Mandela woke up from the dead and strode in, he would walk back to his grave trembling with rage.

If there is one thing elders frown upon, it is a man who has refused, or for one reason or other, is unable to put a woman in the house. That is why when our sister publication, The Nairobian, published a list of what it termed Nairobi’s most eligible bachelors, I was shocked that they were taking about men of means and status.

Last Friday, I left the office late, worn out like a dog, and decided to take a detour to my local to ‘detox’ my weary bones with a stiff shot of whisky. So there I was at the counter, pulling airs, my head buried in a copy of some British tabloid that I had pinched from the newsroom, when I noticed a 20-something-year- old woman saunter in.

At the height of last week’s Westgate hostage crisis, when all of us were glued to social media for the latest rumour, a Ugandan Facebook friend posted something on social media that summed up how we all felt: “I would love to get my hands on that b**ch…” she snarled. She was, of course, referring to the so-called White Widow, the British terrorist suspected to be behind the attack.

Those who have eaten salt will recall Dola Indidis, attorney at law, the one time police and Judiciary spokesman who memorably dismissed the then government spokesman as a busybody. Given the deceptive manner in which lawyers couch their insults, we will never know whether Mr Indidis actually meant Dr Alfie, sorry, His Excellency Dr Alfred Mutua, was a busybody — or worse.

A characteristically playful observation about ceremony, affection and our talent for making an occasion of things.