TED TALK WITH UNCLE TED · 7 September 2026
I am fed up with my wife’s tasteless food
Maxwell buys the household food but cannot understand why Friday dinner still consists of vegetables and brown chapati.
Dear Uncle Ted,
Dear Uncle Ted,
I have been married for the past six years. I love my wife, but she pisses me off by feeding me daily on the sorts of food best suited for rabbits. There will be meat in the fridge, but you will find she has cooked cabbage, carrots and brown chapo.
Who eats brown chapo on a Friday? Frankly, why can’t I eat what I want in MY house? I am the one who buys the food anyway.
Uncle Ted replies
Sorry, Maxwell. You may be the Prisons Commander, the President, a morgue attendant or the most feared policeman in Dandora for all I care. But your “big man” status ends at your doorstep.
In that woman’s house, you are a squatter, a nobody. You merely house the boss. Even the family cat has more rights, so lie low like an envelope. Sleep when it is so ordered, wake up when Miss Mboch wants to clean the sheets, kiss her highness and all that appertains to it on demand.
And yes, you will damn well eat those leaves like a good boy and keep healthy. After all, it is the carrier of the male potbelly who knows where it squashes the most!